The friends who hosted the dinner I went to on Friday evening are approaching their second wedding anniversary. As they didn’t want anything contributing towards the meal, I decided to take an anniversary gift along. The second anniversary symbol is cotton, so I gave them a beautiful old cotton tablecloth with flowers embroidered on it. I think it’s another sign of ageing that you start to know random anniversary symbols. As a child, you pick up on the ‘big’ ones, but it’s only when your own friends start to get married that you become familiar with paper, cotton, leather etc.
Anniversaries amaze me. A great aunt & uncle of mine reached their diamond wedding anniversary a few years ago – I simply cannot comprehend being with someone for that length of time. Even the early years anniversaries are an achievement in my view, as I can’t imagine what it must feel like to meet a person & feel able – or willing – to commit your life to them.
I’ve never felt that urge or desire. In fact, I’m a bit paltry on the anniversary front. Two previous relationships have made the one year mark, but none have made it to the second anniversary. This seems a bit lame, especially as these relationships ended in 2001 and 2007 respectively.
Maybe this is why the life of one’s own project is so dear to me. Despite – or perhaps because of – my fascination with anniversaries, I refuse to be with someone just for the sake of it. All relationships are about compromise, but it’s got to be someone worth compromising for. So I’ll wait.
And until then, I have anniversaries of my own to celebrate. Like three months of this blog! How quickly time has gone – so quickly that I didn’t notice yesterday that it was three months since I started writing this. My initial fear that I’d run out of material has dissipated. The more I write about my quest, the more I find things to write about. Some days I could post several times & still not cover everything I wish to say. And what have I learnt from three months of blogging? Well, firstly, that it is a bit addictive. Secondly, that its therapeutic & calming – clearing my mind in a way that has to be comprehensible, unlike writing purely for my own consumption. Thirdly, I already have a life of my own. Three months of writing about my project has made me realise that I don’t need to create it so much as continue to work on it, pushing those areas that are still lacking, developing those things already present. I already have a life of my own. And here’s to the next three months of it!