I have a bit of a feast/famine approach to cinema-going.  At certain points in my life, I’ve gone to the pictures as regularly as once a week, sometimes more; then I’ll have a phase of not going for months & months.  I’m currently in a prolonged famine period; I’m pretty certain that the only film I’ve seen at the cineman during 2010 is Toy Story 3.  Which means that I’m yet to see Eat, Pray, Love, even though I really enjoyed the book.  I particularly liked the first two sections, probably reflecting my own preference for food & spiritual matters over romance (although I’m sure Javier Bardem in the film version may make me reconsider…).

I feel I should make an effort to see Eat, Pray, Love asap as, like the book’s writer, Elizabeth Gilbert, I have undergone something of an epiphany in the last 48 hours.  Since my last post – although I’m not sure it has anything to do with the post itself – I’ve undergone some major revelations about my future.  Lots of little pointers – random song lyrics that I couldn’t stop singing to myself; passing comments from friends; nagging worries – seemed to suddenly fit together like an elaborate jigsaw.  Essentially, I realized that my career plans are not set in stone; it’s okay – more than okay – to change your mind; I need to take the opportunity of having the freedom to choose to think carefully about what I want to do. 

Like Gilbert, the words ‘eat, pray, love’ seem to summise my experience:

Eat: unfortunately, I haven’t hot-footed it to Rome to explore my angst, but – in turning to comfort food – I have consumed enough biscuits to fill the Colloseum.  Well, maybe not quite that many, but certainly enough to line the bottom of the Trevi Fountain.

Pray: by accepting that I want to re-consider & explore my plans job-wise, I’ve also had to accept that this requires a leap of faith on my part.  I need to trust the universe, to be open to what it has to offer – not simply panic & go into controlling mode.

Love: during my incredible journey over the last two days, I’ve had an enormous amount of love – not from a gorgeous Brazilian called Filipe, but from my mum & my most inspirational, fabulous friend.  Both have given me huge support in what is undoubtedly largely theoretical angst, with very little imminent action or consequence.  My mum has supplied endless tea & a listening ear; my friend – as always – just ‘got’ where I’m coming from & provided some totally apt & reassuring words to help with the ‘pray’ side of things.

And now, as it’s getting later at night & my mind is spinning in circles with the endless possibilities, I’m reminded of the scene that I found most poignant when I read Eat, Pray, Love: during her meltdown, Gilbert finds herself sat on the bathroom floor in the middle of the night, crying her eyes out.  In an act of desperation, she asks God for help, a sign of what to do.  The words she hears?  Go to bed.  No matter how profound or seemingly life-altering our thoughts & feelings may seem, sometimes this is the only thing we can do at the present moment.  And so I’m off: to bed, to sleep.  I do not know what the future holds, but I’m sure that tomorrow I will once again eat, pray, love.   

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