Bleak is the word that I would use to describe last night. It was the kind of night where you feel your own life is haunting you. The kind of night where if my life was a Hollywood film, the scene would have shown me sat a downlit kitchen table, head in hands, with a large bottle of Scotch & a tumbler that magically refills itself with ice. But, alas, my life is not a Hollywood film and I didn’t hit any hard liquor. I didn’t even venture towards the kitchen for a brew. I stayed in bed, tossing and turning, in the vain hope that by rolling over 180 degrees, I would be able to confuse my mind and forget the terrors that were keeping me awake.
And this morning? This morning I have that horrible drained feeling: the hollow behind your eyes sensation combined with a dry, sore nose. And empty all over. I feel good for nothing, but fortunately I have a restorative appointment at 1.35 this afternoon: I am giving blood. I love giving blood. It is one of the most fulfilling, life-affirming experiences imaginable & I would highly recommend to everyone (If you think ‘Oo I don’t like needles’, ask yourself this: would you turn down a blood transfusion or other critical medical treatment on the same grounds?). I made my appointment after my last session, so it’s just a coincidence that I’m going today, but the appointment couldn’t have fallen at a better time. When you’re in your own depths, sometimes you need something to take you out of yourself, to consider others, to simply do something useful for someone else. I know it will raise my spirits. And you get a cup of tea & a biscuit thrown in for nothing. What more could I ask for?