As a child, I used to regularly ponder whether Sunday was the beginning of the week or in fact the end of the week. Years later I discovered that the same question had perplexed theologians for centuries: is Sunday the first or last day of the week? I now take a more nuanced view, and see Sunday as a “hinge” day that marks the end of one week and the start of the next. This may seem pedantic or even a bit abstract, but I find it helps with my psychological approach to the day. Sundays now have a clear, albeit relaxed & informal, purpose – a time when I can reflect on the week that was and calmly look forward to the one to come. The actual form this contemplation takes varies. The silence of Quaker meeting is usually key. Sometimes there is copious journalling. Sometimes I simply look at what’s written in my diary. This Janus faced Sunday was mirrored in the two way direction of my whole weekend, which included all of Friday as I was off work. At times I felt I was immersed in the past; I even commented at one point that I felt for a brief moment as if I was back at sixth form. At other times, or even concurrently, life seemed to be looking decisively forward, clearly reflecting the way things are now, the new order, far removed from the way things were. It has been a self-conscious few days, as I have felt very aware of this sense of being on a cusp. Things are not what they were even six months ago, nor can they ever be the same again. I don’t know where I’m going or how I will get there, although it’s reassuring to spend time with others who feel similarly. Change has to happen. Moreover, I don’t want to hold onto the past. I would usually describe myself as a sentimental, nostalgia person, but this weekend I’ve felt released from the past. I’m not sure why I’ve experience this shift; maybe I’ve just realised the past is untenable. I don’t want to carry it round any longer. I don’t yearn for it now, nor do I still crave its return as I used to. I have let go. And I suspect that my purge of belongings that began again on Friday will continue apace. Letting go and setting myself free for my future. I’m looking forward to it, in both senses of the phrase.

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