It’s 49 hours since my last post. I’ve had a lovely weekend but am feeling emotionally bewildered by it all. It’s as if I’ve suddenly woken up to the gap between myself and many (dare I say most?) of my contemporaries and I don’t know what to make of it. Part of me is very “each to their own” about lifestyle choices, but part of me is also terrified. It’s hard to remain confident and secure in your position and choices when you realise you’re the odd one out. And “odd one” it really is: of my friends, colleagues and acquaintances of my age, I can only think of one other person apart from me who is both single and not involved in internet dating (and I’m 100% sure that he’s not doing the latter). Everyone else is actively dating or in a serious relationship. When did this happen? Why single-ness so vigorously avoided? Have I missed the boat? I feel so shaken that I can’t actually discern how bothered I actually am or whether it’s simply a momentary crisis of confidence. I also know there are lots of other issues involved about fear of intimacy and not wanting to take emotional risks. It’s just all so jumbled in my head. Am mightily glad that I’ve got a very busy week to distract me from my angst. I’m hoping that either some sense of direction or at least a return to calm will emerge. I don’t want the next 49 hours to be as internally tumultuous as the last.

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