The photograph shows my desk at work this afternoon. The sight of the daffodil seemed to boldly declare that spring has truly sprung, bringing new life with it and prompting me to think that now is as good a day as any to bring my blog back to life after an unintentional break of almost five months. I initially stopped writing when I started seeing someone as my emotions are so integral to the blog’s content but it didn’t seem fair to speak so openly about one’s feelings when they involve someone else. After a while, I got out of the habit of writing, and then became concerned that I didn’t have anything to say anymore. At the same time, I couldn’t quite bring myself to ‘close’ the blog; it felt that too much work had gone into all my posts over the previous eighteen months to simply remove it all with the click of a delete button. Or perhaps I knew that I would come back to it, picking up not quite where I left off but from a point a bit further along the same road.
I am now emerging from end of the relationship that had held me back from writing in the first place. Whilst I know I have made the right decision to move on, I still feel a bit shaky – like a spring lamb trying to find its feet. I know that I need this blog to help me re-establish my sense of self, my sense of having a life of my own; one that I have determined, not the media nor social convention nor peer pressure nor even the well intended wishes of my friends and family. And certainly not a life governed by a romantic relationship.
What about my second fear, that I no longer had anything to say? I know that is not the case. I could do a good few months worth of retrospective posts about what’s happened so far in 2012, particularly my commitment to living more sustainably, in all senses of the word – including a New Year’s Resolution to become vegetarian for twelve months. In the last week alone, I’ve felt almost overwhelmed with possible material, from my post-break-up decision to get fit to angst about air travel to the importance of friends to the realisation that my priorities in life are clustered around four key areas.
But there’s no need to write about all of that in this post. Now I’m back, I have plenty of time to write about these things – and many more – in future contributions. If there are any readers left out there, I hope that you gain something from my reflections, whether it be a chuckle, an insight or simply a way of passing your coffee break. If not, then at least I have the deep pleasure of writing again. Spring has sprung and a life of my own is blossoming once more.