If we’re asking the wrong questions, how can we ever expect to get the right answers?
Easter is all about celebrating new life and this (combined with having a bit of time to reflect over a lovely, sleepy long weekend) has inspired a new perspective on my part. New life is springing up all around me and within me too. Over the last few days, I’ve finally caught up with work and various other commitments that I seem to have let slip recently. It feels as if this catching up, getting back to where I wanted to be, has then somehow released me, so I am now able to look ahead, to the future and to a new life for me. And suddenly I’ve felt able (and willing) to act upon building a new life. This isn’t just about the end of a relationship, but the beginning of a much broader new phase. New life for me over Easter has meant reserving a ticket to hear one of my favourite authors give a talk, booking onto a retreat later in the year, stashing away a little nest egg in my new ISA and going out with some old friends – and realising that the bonds amongst us are being renewed and reinvigorated.
No wonder that I’ve woken up humming Feeling Good, the jazzy, ballsy Nina Simone number: ‘It’s a new dawn, it’s a new day, it’s a new life for me and I’m feeling good’.
Reasons to be grateful 1, 2, 3:
1. Chippy tea (although perhaps not so great for my health kick).
2. A film that made me laugh and cry in equal measures (He’s Just Not That Into You, which I will maintain until my dying day is smarter than the average chick flick. But that argument is for another post).
3. Clean sheets (one of the greatest joys on earth).
Maybe I am easy pleased, but that is not necessarily a bad thing. It feels good to be pleased about anything right now.
It’s the countdown to Easter now and my thoughts have been turning to eggs. Easter eggs for the children in my life, but also eggs and their meanings and metaphors. Two in particular spring to mind: my emotions are as fragile as egg shells and I feel I am retreating into my own shell. I have found the last few weeks and months incredibly disorientating. It’s like I’ve suddenly woken up from a deep sleep and don’t know where I am anymore. I am trying to re-orientate myself, to slowly piece the life I know, the life I had, back together. I am trying to take a small step each day towards that bigger goal. Yesterday, it was opening the ISA I’d been thinking about. Today it was booking the flight for a work trip that will allow me to get away and escape for a while. Escape is what I want to do – escape from the world. My instinct at the moment is to withdraw from the world, to seek solace in my own little shell. Self-protection, I suppose, and to hide the fact that I’m hurting.
It’s funny how sometimes the world just seems to land in your lap. Well, perhaps not the world – but something that you’ve been thinking about. And perhaps not your lap, but your inbox or on your doormat. But we all have those moments where the universe seems to pick up on something that’s crossed our minds and magically responds to it. I’d been thinking last week about opening a new ISA for some of my savings that have started to build up (only a little bit, but building up nonetheless). Lo and behold, a charity that I like to support sent an email round the other day saying deposit £100 in a new ISA with Triodos, the ethical bank, and they’ll get £40. So I’ve just done it: five minutes clicking a few buttons and it’s done. All I have to do now is wait for my password in the post, then transfer the money in. I have the ISA I wanted, the charity have a donation that they wanted. Everyone’s a winner.